Personal Change, No BS

Three conceptual maps for understanding life transitions.

This is change management for people who:

• get tired
• need plain, direct language
• want their life to not just look different, but become different

How to use this webzine

• Read it when something feels off but you can't name why.
• Start anywhere; loop as needed.
• Use it to explain your experience when words won't come.
• Treat it as a map, not a checklist.

1. Circular change map (the cycle of growth)

                   SOMETHING NO LONGER FITS
               /                               \
     MARK THE ENDING                   NAME THE CHANGE
	(nothing closes itself)        (what's ending / what's not)
             |                                   |
     MAKE IT LIVABLE                    WHO IS AFFECTED
 (reduce effort to exist)          (including future you!)
             |                                   |
      NOTICE SIGNALS                      NOW vs NEXT
	(what helps? what hurts?)        (the gap is hard to define)
             |                                   |
     CHANGE IN INCHES                    CAPACITY CHECK
(small, reveresible moves)         (energy, time, money, brain)
               \                               /
          EXPECT FRICTION  <---  SAY IT OUT LOUD
    (grief ≠ failure)          (to yourself / journal / others)

      (Closing one loop usually reveals the next.)

This map is a cycle. Ending one thing often highlights the next thing that no longer fits.

Here's more about that:

1. Name the change: Something is different, or it's about to be. Say what it is. Vague change causes more pain than clear change.
2. Who is affected: Often, you are not the only one impacted, but you are impacted. Count yourself.
3. Now vs Next: There is what used to work, and what might work later. The space between is uncomfortable.
4. Capacity check: This isn't about motivation; it's about whether you have the resources to do this right now.
5. Say it out loud: Unspoken transitions can easily turn into misunderstandings.
6. Expect friction: Resistance usually means something mattered! Grief is not a sign you chose wrong.
7. Change in inches: Most change survives by being small, boring, and adjustable.
8. Notice signals: Listen to the feedback from your body, mood, and energy.
9. Make it livable: Reduce the "cost of living" to keep this up. If it requires constant effort, it will drain you and it won't last!
10. Mark the ending: Say goodbye to the old thing, and let it go.

If you're looking for the right path, you're using this wrong. If you're looking for permission to be right where you are, you're using it right!

How to read these maps

• [BOXES] = states you might recognize
• ──▶ Arrows = common movements, not rules
• Loops = normal and expected
• Multiple states at once = allowed!
• No starting point = intentional

2. Non-Linear change map (how it actually moves)

This version shows:

• Multiple pressures happen at once.
• Backtracking is part of progress.
• Capacity, friction, and communication constantly impact each other.

                   [CAPACITY]
            /           ▲              \
                        │
    [FRICTION] ◀── [NOW vs NEXT] ──▶ [SAY IT OUT LOUD]
         ▲              │                 │
         │              ▼                 ▼
    [ENDING] ◀── [SMALL CHANGES] ──▶ [SIGNALS]
         ▲              │                   │
         └────────── [SUSTAINABILITY] ◀────┘

   (Enter anywhere. Loop freely.)

This map is for validation, not progress tracking.

Common lies about change

If it's right, it won't be this hard.
Difficult things can be correct.

Once you decide, it gets easier.
Often it gets clearer, but may not be easier immediately.

Resistance means you're not ready.
Resistance often means something that used to be important is being threatened.

You should be further along by now.
There is no timeline for life changes.

Other people handle this better than I do.
You are only seeing their outside. They probably think you're handling better than they are.

You'll feel confident when it's working.
Most sustainable changes are quiet and don't come with a parade.

3. Non-Linear emotional map

How to read this:

• Confusion often appears first, especially when multiple changes overlap.
• Fear and frustration feed each other when clarity or capacity is low.
• Grief can show up alongside progress; it doesn't mean you're going backwards.
• Relief sometimes arrives quickly and you might not trust it.
• Neutrality is not emptiness; it's a resting state.
• Joy is real even if it's brief; it doesn't need to be permanent to count.

                    [CONFUSION]
          /              ▲                \
                         │
    [FEAR] ◀────── [FRUSTRATION] ───────▶ [GRIEF]
       ▲                 │                    ▲
       │                 ▼                    │
    [NEUTRALITY] ◀─── [RELIEF] ───▶ [JOY]
           ▲              │                │
           └──────────────┴────────────────┘

 (Multiple emotions at once are allowed.)

You will loop. Emotional looping is not indecision.

Common paths:

• Confusion ──▶ Frustration ──▶ Fear (when answers don't arrive quickly enough)
• Fear ──▶ Neutrality ──▶ Relief (when safety increases)
• Relief ──▶ Grief (when you finally have space to feel loss)
• Grief ◀──▶ Joy (memory, meaning, contradiction)

You don't need permission to change. You need structure that doesn't lie to you.

Things to remember through change

• You are allowed to go back a step at any time.
• Confusing usually means multiple things are happening at once.
• Rest is part of change. Give yourself grace. Slow down.
• Explaining yourself is labor.
• You'll have conflicting emotions throughout the process. Use emotions as data.
• Resistance is also data. Pay attention.
• Stability is a need, not a personal flaw.
• You don't have to "optimize" transition or growth.
• You can understand a change is required but not have capacity for it.
• "This will be hard" is more useful than blind positivity.
• Small changes count.
• You are not a resource. You are a person with limits.
• Sustainability matters more than speed.